Enough
by secretambition
Summary: "He shouldn't be there. He didn't belong there. In fact he didn't belong anywhere near anything that Merlin owned." - Arthur goes too far and Merlin having had enough leaves him. But now Arthur's back and he wants Merlin. Merthur ModernAU Reincarnation fic
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer**: Unfortunately I don't own Merlin or Jar of Hearts, all I have is a car called Rupert and an extensive collection of books and dvds.**  
**

******Warnings**: Some swear words and Merthur.

**Summary**: Being immortal means Merlin just has to wait around for those he loves to be reincarnated, and that includes Arthur Pendragon. But in Arthur's last lifetime the two had a falling out meaning now that Arthur is back again, Merlin doesn't want anything to do with him. And he really doesn't care what Morgana has to say on the subject.

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Now all those are out the way, on with the story...

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**Enough**

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_I know I can't take one more step towards you_  
_'Cause all that's waiting is regret_  
_And don't you know I'm not your ghost anymore_  
_You lost the love I loved the most_

_I learned to live half alive_  
_And now you want me one more time_

_.  
_

_**(Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri.)**_

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The last time he had seen him had been it was the 1920's and they were living in Chicago. That time around he had been born the son of the head of one of the most notorious Mafia gangs about. After finding him, Merlin had distinguished himself as a brilliant marksman and shown surprising strength, for his ever scrawny figure, to make sure he was made one of his permanent bodyguards. He wanted to be able to be with him constantly and enjoy the time destiny would allow them, this lifetime. Only it hadn't ended as every time before had, with Merlin whispering how much he loved the man he spend eternity searching for, as the life drained from him, be it from old age, illness or battle wound. No this time it had been cut short. This time he had been too much of a prat and Merlin had just walked away. He told him to enjoy his life alone, to enjoy the rest of his lives alone, because there was no way that he was going to be a part of them, not anymore. Merlin had left his soul mate, his destiny, one cold February morning in 1924 and screamed at him to never try finding him, because he had had enough, he deserved better and if after over fifteen centuries he hadn't figured that out then Merlin was done. The then twenty-seven year old had been too stunned to respond as Merlin literally vanished before his very eyes, disappearing, leaving him to leave the last forty odd years of that lifetime without what destiny had long ago labelled his other half.

That had been almost ninety years ago, but Merlin remembered it like it was yesterday. He could remembered perfectly the colour of the tie that _he_ had been wearing, the way _his_ hair had been styled, the look in _his_ eyes as Merlin had simply turned his back on the arrogant, unfeeling bastard, turned his back on over a millennia of love and devotion. And now he was sat in his flat lying on his sofa, minding his own damn business, legs draped over his flatmates knee, when said flatmate gave an almighty shout, scaring him half to death.

"What the hell was that for?" he grumbled hitting the stunning brunette next to him with a pillow.

"Just look at the TV," she said whacking him back before grabbing the remote that lay beside him and turning up the volume.

Merlin looked.

As soon as he did he wished he hadn't, because there he was. He looked almost identical to how he had in the 1920's, just a different haircut and outfit. But the build was the same and so was the cocky smile the git was giving the women he was talking to. What the hell was he even doing on Merlin's damn TV in the first place. He shouldn't be there. He didn't belong there. In fact he didn't belong anywhere near anything that Merlin owned. Yet there he was all blonde hair, blue eyes and the body of Adonis, or Hercules or at least some Greek hero, staring straight at Merlin through the TV screen, as if piercing his very soul.

"Oh Merlin isn't this great?" He had forgotten that she was there next to him. He had been hauled out of reality into his own little world as soon as he had seen who was on the TV. "I thought that it was just the two of us. That I was the only one to come back this time. Oh this is just brilliant!" She gushed, her excitement clearly showing as she blabbered on. "We need to find a way to reach him. Let him know that I'm back as well and that you're still around. He must be so desperate to see yo..." Her voice trailed off as something finally clicked in her head. She turned to look at him, a confused look on her pretty face. "How come you didn't know?"

"What'd you mean?" He asked, although he knew perfectly well what she was referring to.

"Merlin what aren't you telling me?" apparently he still had yet to master the 'I'm completely innocent look.' "YOU KNEW!" She all but screamed, jumping off the sofa and pointing an accusatory finger at him. "MERLIN AMBROSIUS EMRYS HOW DARE YOU KEEP SOMETHING LIKE THIS FROM ME!" She started to pace, which from lifetimes of experience he knew was not a good thing. "You always know when he comes back. You're weird sixth sense just for him goes into overdrive! I remember when we were in France in the 1500's and you were going crazy because you knew he was finally back, even if you had to wait till he got his memories." She stopped her pacing and looked at him and then the man on the TV. "Well this one's definitely got his memories back, so why the hell haven't you gone to him?"

He didn't respond right away, trying to figure out the best way to explain what had happened, how he had left. Would she understand? Or would she just tell him he was being stupid, holding a ninety year old grudge for no good reason?

"Merlin, I'm waiting." She was giving him death glares, and it made him wonder when the demure young girl he had first met had turned into the confident, independent young women standing before him. "Explain yourself!" Ah yes he remembered, that had only been an act to twist men around her little finger and get what she wanted.

"You know that no matter how you look at it I am significantly older then you right?"

"Stop stalling!" Damn she had seen through that one straight away.

"It's just it's a long story, and well I don't know where to begin." He was beginning to find the sleeves of his jumper rather interesting, he could still feel the heat of her glare on him. "It was his last lifetime, it was just me and him that time. Anyway we had and argument and fell out, and I... well I left." His voice had gotten smaller and smaller as he talked, barely a whisper by the time he had got it all out.

"What do you mean you left?" She asked sternly. It was clear she was trying her best not to yell at him again, so as not to get him to clamp shut on her. "And exactly how long ago was this?"

"Poof!" He said gesturing into the air. "I just vanished in to thin air, literally, and left him to his own bloody devices about ninety years ago" He was now resigned to the berating he was about to be given, it was inevitable.

"Ninety? As in Nine Zero? Are you kidding me?" She spluttered in disbelief. "What on earth possessed you to... I just... Ninety years and you haven't even thought to fix it?"

"Well it's not like he was alive for all of those years. I mean between 1965 and 1988 he wasn't about. Plus it's not like I could have done anything about it before he was eighteen and got his memories back. He wouldn't have had a clue who the hell I was!"

"That still leaves several decades Merlin."

"Would have been more if he hadn't have come back so bloody quickly." He muttered under his breath. "I mean twenty three years between reincarnations is just too ridiculously short an amount of time!"

"Usually you would have been ecstatic he came back so soon. I remember when we met up between his lifetimes before and you were complaining it had been over a hundred years." She replied with a smirk.

"But that was when I wanted to see him."

"Stop being such a baby Merlin you're over a millennia and a half old, at least have the decency not to sulk like a two year old."

"I'm being serious I really don't want to see him. Last time was the final straw. The two of us are done and he knows it. Please don't push this." He was almost pleading with her.

"You can't give up on everything that the two of you had after just one argument. Surely if you see each other again you can fix everything?" She had always been an optimist when it came to love, no matter what lifetime.

"But it wasn't just any argument. It was the same argument we have had in almost everyone of his damn lifetimes." He voice was filled with bitterness and sorrow. He stood up and made his way to the door. "I'm not changing for anyone, especially not him. He needs to stop being ashamed of me." With that he left a stunned flatmate trying to digest everything that she had learned over the last few minutes.

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_**merlinmerlinmerlinmerlin**_

._**  
**_

It had been almost a month since he had first seen him on the TV and now it seemed he was everywhere. His face was plastered across the side of what felt like every London bus. Every bloody magazine had him topless on the front cover. And every other damn advert on TV was for the new Hollywood Blockbuster he had somehow managed to land the lead role for. Nowhere was safe from him. It was as though he had decided to torture Merlin for leaving him by making sure there was no way that he could miss the fact he was back and just as damn gorgeous as ever. The prat.

If that wasn't enough his debut role into the world of acting was like some bad joke the bloody great dragon had conjured up. He was to be playing himself. And not just any version of himself. The original. The one from his first lifetime. The same damn one Merlin had first fallen in love with. It was like some big sick joke to make sure Merlin didn't forget who the hell he was and there history together. To make matters worse his supposed best friend and flatmate thought it was all hilarious and was giving him no sympathy. In fact she was going out of her way to buy every magazine he appear in and leave them conveniently lying around for Merlin to find. Sometimes he really did wonder why they were friends.

Today was no different.

He had gotten home from work to find the latest edition of Cosmo which declared it had "exclusive and never before seen" pictures of _him _lying on the kitchen table. Picking it up he began to walk into the lounge where he could hear the TV, calling out to his annoying flatmate.

"Look I know you think this is funny and all, but could you please stop buying these and purposefully leaving them lying around for me to find."

"Good afternoon to you too Merlin. Yes I did have a good day at work, thanks for asking." She responded without turning around to look at him. "I've got something you might want to see though."

"Oh is it another version of that bloody film trailer?" She had forced him to watch every single one the film company released. She seemed to get some kind of vindictive pleasure out of it.

"No its not. Now sit down and shut up." She grabbed his wrist and pulled him down next to her. "I recorded this over the weekend and only got around to watching it today. I think you are going to want to see it." She flicked through the Sky plus stopping on some chat show that he had seen advertised before and never watched.

"Can I at least get a cup of tea and get changed before I have to sit through whatever torture you are about to subject me to this time?" He enquired standing up.

"Yeah sure as long as you make me a coffee." She replied waving one hand at him dismissively as she fast forwarded through the show to the point she was looking for. By the time he came back through she had it paused on the presenter who was in the middle of making some form of gesture. "You ready now?" she asked.

"Yeah yeah just get on with it, I've got stuff I need to do tonight for work."

She just rolled her eyes at him and pressed play. "Please it's Friday, you don't have work again till Monday. Now sit down, shut up and don't think about moving until it is finished. Trust me you need to watch it all."

He nodded his head his acceptance. It was the best way to deal with her, just giving her what she wants. Diverting his eyes to the TV he frowned. It was a ruddy interview with _him._ She really was trying to drive him insane.

The interviewer went on for five minutes or about the new film, how its star had stumbled across the role, showing a clip from the movie and explaining the plot a little. Then he introduced Hollywood's latest heartthrob to join him on stage and Merlin just wanted to get up and leave. He really didn't want to see it. Sensing that he might bolt, she had put her hand on his knee, digging her nails in a reminder that she was still there, and she expected him to stay. Sadistic bitch.

The interview had been going on for ten minutes, ten agonising minutes. All that had happened so far was they had talked about his life, where he was from, that kind of general thing, as well as the movie and filming it. Merlin could not think of a single reason, apart from to be cruel, that he was being forced to watch this.

Well that was until, "So you share a name with the character you're playing, is there anything else you share? No potential Queen Guinevere hiding away is there?" Merlin thought he might vomit at the sheer cheesiness.

But the golden haired beauty just shook his head and laughed. "No I don't think Guinevere would have been my kind of girl, she's too unadventurous and demure. I prefer someone I can get into trouble with, you know maybe my very own Merlin, someone to add a bit of magic. My own Merlin is definitely what I'm looking for."

Merlin spat out the tea he was about to swallow.

"I told you that you would want to watch it." She had a triumphant smirk on her face. "He obviously misses you and wants you back. So now you have no excuse but to answer the personal ad he just broadcast across British TV in hopes of getting your attention."

"Yeah that won't be happening," Merlin announced as he got up. "Arthur Pendragon or Penn, whatever the hell he's going under these days can go jump off a cliff for all I care." As he walked out the room his eyes glowed gold and his jacket and keys came flying towards him. "I'm going to the pub. I suddenly have an overwhelming urge for tequila shots and a good fuck." He called over his shoulder, slamming the front door behind him as he left the flat.

The reincarnated Morgana Pendragon, the original half sister of the prat they had just been watching on TV, sighed. What the hell was she meant to do now? It was their destiny to be together, two sides of the same coin and all that shit the dragon used to spout. But whatever it was that Arthur had said to Merlin the last time they had been together, Merlin wasn't forgiving or forgetting anytime soon.

"Well if Merlin won't tell me what happened and contact Arthur, then maybe it's time that I did." She announced to the empty flat.

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**Authors Note**: So I have never written a modern au or a reincarnation fic before so please let me know what you think. I will do my best to update as much as possible but unfortunately real life and work come firsts (even though I wish they didn't.) Anyway I hope you enjoyed it.

Next time... Morgana is scheming. Arthur is on the hunt for Merlin. Meanwhile Merlin is determind to avoid him at all costs. Also some more hints as to what actually happened between the two of them... oh any maybe another familiar face or two will appear...


	2. Chapter 2

**Disclaimer**: Unfortunately I don't own Merlin or Jar of Hearts, all I have is a car called Rupert and an extensive collection of books and dvds.

**Warnings**: Swear words, implied malexmale (although not graphic) and Merthur.

**Summary**: Being immortal means Merlin just has to wait around for those he loves to be reincarnated, and that includes Arthur Pendragon. But in Arthur's last lifetime the two had a falling out meaning now that Arthur is back again, Merlin doesn't want anything to do with him. And he really doesn't care what Morgana has to say on the subject.

**Authors Note**: I changed the rating to M just to be safe. Plus I was going to need to change it in a chapter or two anyway. Also I'm really sorry for errors, but this hasn't been beta read as I wanted to get it uploaded.

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Anyway on with the story for you...

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**Enough**

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_I hear you're asking all around  
If I am anywhere to be found  
But I have grown too strong  
To ever fall back in your arms_

_I've learned to live half alive_  
_And now you want me one more time_

**_(Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri.)_**

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Morgana Pendragon had had enough. She was not impressed. It was 1pm on Sunday afternoon and her flatmate had yet to return home from going out the night before. To make matters worse she was on bloody hold for the millionth time to the agency that her prattish half brother was assigned to. It had been three weeks since she had shown Merlin that TV interview. That meant three weeks of him ignoring her pleads to contact Arthur. Three weekends of him going out drinking and pulling some random stranger, not returning home till god knows what time, if at all. And three bloody weeks of listening to the same hold music repeatedly before eventually being told that no she would not be able to speak to Arthur, but if she wanted to leave her name and number someone would so their best to get back to her. What was the point in even leaving her details they were obviously weren't being given to Arthur and most likely getting chucked straight in the bin. If he had gotten just one of her messages she knew for a fact that he would have been straight on the phone to her. Hell he would probably have turned up at her office or the flat!

The front door of the flat creaked open and she heard a voice calling to her from the hall.

"Morgana you in?" Merlin asked.

"In the kitchen." She replied, hanging up the phone and picking up her coffee.

"Hey, how are you today?" He asked as he came into the room and sat himself at the table opposite her.

"Would have been better if I hadn't spent the last hour waiting around for you to turn up. We were meant to be going for lunch at twelve." She raised her eyebrow at him questioningly over the top of her coffee cup. "Care to explain where the hell you were last night?"

"You know sometimes I wonder if you are actually my mother reincarnated, instead of my best friend."

"That's not an answer, and that's not what you were wearing when you went out."

"No it's not, that's the beauty of magic." He sarcastically answered. "As for where I was and who I was with, well it's really none of your damn business."

"It is when you are cheating on my brother!" she replied.

"How many times do I have to tell you Morgana! Arthur and I are never getting back together. It's just not going to happen. Not today! Not tomorrow! Hell not even in a millennia's time!" Merlin had risen to his feet and his hands were clenched at his side. "Arthur Pendragon will never again be part of my life because he is the most arrogant, unfeeling, selfish bastard I have ever met!" He was breathing heavily. "Now are you going to shut it about him or should we just call lunch quits?"

"Suddenly I'm not very hungry." Morgana answered. "I think I'll just go shopping instead." She got up and left, giving Merlin a disappointed look as she passed. "I think you are making a huge mistake."

"It's my life, not yours." He sighed and sunk back into the chair. Why wouldn't she just quick trying to forcing him to contact Arthur. It was bad enough that his face was everywhere he looked but she just had to keep bringing him up every single time they spoke. She was like a broken record, and the worse thing was that he really couldn't blame her. He hadn't told her what had actually happened between them. Hell the guy was her half brother and, as much as Merlin couldn't stand him right now, he really didn't want the guy to get his balls ripped off. Although it would be an oddly fitting punishment, if Merlin was feeling particularly vindictive that is.

What Merlin really needed right now was a good fuck to take his mind off things. Sure he had found someone last night at the club he had gone to but the guy had had one massive flaw. He had had a ridiculously large picture of Arthur, topless on some beach, hanging over at the end of his bed. The guy was obsessed with him. It was like he was a teenager, instead of the twenty-two years he was actually was. And try as Merlin might he just found it too distracting to either shag or be shagged by another guy with Arthurs smirking visage staring down at him. In the end Merlin had taken the guy through to the kitchen claiming he had a thing for doing it on the kitchen table. Still just seeing that picture had but a downer on Merlin's whole night. Sleeping under it had only brought back memories he had been trying so desperately to repress. This was all Arthur's fault. If he hadn't pushed it, if he had just accepted Merlin for who he was and not tried to change him, then they would be enjoying another lifetime together.

But that was all it was, shoulda woulda coulda's. There was no point in dwelling on it now. What was done was done. And he was most defintely done with Arthur. No instead of dwelling Merlin would go to the pub and indulge in a pint... or five.

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**merlinmerlinmerlinmerlin**

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Several hours, two dresses, four tops, a cardigan and a new pair of shoes later and Morgana still hadn't calmed down enough from her latest argument with Merlin to think of what to do next. He was being impossibly stubborn. If only she could find out what had actually happened then she knew she would be able to find a way to fix everything. The problem was Merlin was keeping tight lipped about everything Arthur related and trying to contact Arthur just ended in her wanting to smash her phone. Damn she just needed a coffee and five minutes peace away from the hustle and bustle of Oxford Street to clear her head and think of her next move, and how the hell she was going to contact Arthur. If only she had her magic in this lifetime!

She made her way to the nearest tube station, deciding it was best to go somewhere other than the nearest Starbucks if she actually wanted to be able to hear herself think. Getting off the tube about a twenty minute from her flat she walked to her favourite little coffee shop and ordered a large black coffee before seating herself in one of the corner booths.

She had been sitting there absentmindedly gazing into nowhere when it hit her. She had a plan, a new strategy for getting hold of Arthur. It had been the two gossiping girls in on the table that had given her this latest brainwave, and she was seriously considering reaching over and kissing them both. Who knew the chitchatting airheads could say something useful? Well now Morgana did. Because of these two bimbos she now knew exactly where Arthur would be this afternoon! How the hell they knew in the first place she really didn't care. What she needed to do now was to get across London as quick as possible and to the party that Arthur would most definitely be attending tonight.

She practically leapt out of her chair in her hurry to get to her flat and change into something that would make her at least blend in. Then she began to race back to the tube and over to the hotel Arthur could even now be at.

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**merlinmerlinmerlinmerlin**

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Never before had the tubes gone this slow. Morgana was sure of it. They were definitely running at half speed, maybe even slower than that. Getting across London was taking forever. Not to mention the fact the heels she was wearing were not making her move any faster. Finally though she was off the tube and back on the crammed streets of London, making her way to what was sure to be an overpriced and overly luxurious hotel. Luckily she had stopped to grab Merlin's emergency credit card before leaving. He had built up a fortune over the years and the little piece of plastic Morgana had stowed away in her purse was a gift he had given her in case she was ever in desperate need. Well getting Arthur and Merlin back together definitely classed as an emergency in her books.

She quickly reached her destination and slowed as she made her way up the steps and into the reception area, making her way over to the desk.

"Can you direct me to the Penn function please?" she asked the lady with the obviously fake smile plastered on her face.

"It's in the Trafalgar Suite on the first floor and along to the left," she replied eyeing Morgana's outfit. "Make sure to have your invite available for security to check."

Morgana gave her a small smile in thanks and made her way over to the lifts. She hadn't yet worked out how she was going to get into the party, just that she needed to get to the destination. She hoped she could just charm her way in and find Arthur. The lifts opened up and she turned left following the corridor till she reached a set of open double doors which had security standing on either side. It was now or never.

"Evening Miss. Can we see some ID and your invite please," one of the bouncers asked as she made her way towards them, acting as graceful and confident as ever. She pulled out her driver's licence and handed it to him. "And your invite too if you please." He asked as he handed back her licence.

"I forgot it." She simply said.

"Well I'm afraid that we can't let you in without it. Security reasons you see." The other bouncer told her.

"I'm Arthur's half sister. Surely I don't need an invite to my own brother's party?" Morgana questioned, giving them her 'are you seriously going to argue with me look?'

"I'm afraid rules are rules," came the reply from the first bouncer, although he was looking slightly unsure of himself. She had that effect on people, especially with the way she was batting her eyelashes at him. "Hey Jack," he addressed the second bouncer after a moment's pause, "maybe you could go find someone to confirm it yeah? Hate for the blokes sister to get turned away because she accidently forgot her invite."

"Exactly, Arthur wouldn't be impressed." Morgana added with a flirtatious smile. "Just tell him to come over and confirm I'm who I say I am and it'll all be sorted."

The second bouncer, Jack, gave a nod and headed off into the crowd to look for the events host, wherever he may be. The first bouncer took this as an opportunity to start trying to chat Morgana up, making her eagerly await Arthur's arrival. She didn't have to wait long for Jack to return. Only it wasn't Arthur he brought with him.

"Hey Lewis, Jack says we've got someone here saying there Arthur's sister? Only last time I checked Arthur was an only child." Morgana turned around abruptly to face the newcomer, she knew that voice. "So what's the fan girls name then?" He asked, still talking to the bouncers and not looking at her. Yes she definitely knew this man, and she certainly hadn't expected to see him here.

"Could you seriously imagine me as one of Arthurs fan girls?" She asked indignantly with more than a hint of disgust in her voice. "I have far too much class for that. And as much as it might turn _you_ on, incest has never been my thing."

The not so strange stranger now had his eyes fixed on her, wide with shock.

"Well well well," he laughed. "Look what the cat dragged in." He took her hand and made a show of bowing over it before raising it to his mouth to place a kiss on it. "My Lady Morgana, my apologies, it has been far too long." He wasn't wrong, it really had been. The two of them hadn't met in over two hundred years, as their lifetimes just hadn't overlapped. But here he the same as ever. He was still charming and handsome and -

"You're drunk." Morgana stated, smelling the districted scent of ale and beer she had long ago learnt to associated with him.

"This is a party." Gwaine replied defensively.

"Some things really never change!" She laughed, hitting him lightly on the arm.

"Like how utterly stunning you are." He countered, grabbing hold of her arm and placing it on his. He waved at the bemused bouncers and steered her inside.

"And Arthur's choice in colour scheme." She added, looking around at the elaborately red and gold decorated room.

The reincarnated knight laughed once more. "You can say that again! I tried to talk him out of it, but he was having none of it."

"Always a stubborn one," she stated with a smile. "So where is my darling brother?"

"Somewhere over in that direction I believe." Gwaine gestured towards where a crowd of girls could be heard making nauseating giggling noises.

"Never one to live in the shadows is he." She commented."Shall we go and tear him away from his little harem?"

"Oh yes lets." He had a mischievous glint in his eye. "I'm going to be his best friend when he sees the delightful birthday present I just stumbled across for him." He said nodding in her direction.

"I didn't realised this was his birthday party." Morgana replied, stopping walking to look at Gwaine. "How old is he today?"

"Twenty-four."

"I'm the younger one again then." She stated smugly. She always preferred being younger then Arthur, like she was in there original lifetime.

"Why how old are you?" Gwaine asked.

"Twenty-two. Twenty-three in a couple of months. Yourself?"

"Turn twenty-four next week."

"How did you find Arthur?" She was genuinely interested. She never had to search for anyone before. Merlin had always found her and with him came everyone else, or so she thought. How could Merlin miss Gwaine being back? And if he'd missed him, who else was out there in this lifetime?

"We went to the same college together and then University." Gwaine explained. "We ended up playing on the same rugby team. Obviously we were near each other when we both turned eighteen and got our memories back. Guest we just stayed close so we could cling to something from the past." He looked towards the crowd of girls that where obscuring Arthur from view. "He was a right mess you know, when they all came back. He never told me why, but well I got enough out of him when he was drunk once to know it was to do with Merlin." He gave Morgana a solemn look. "Something major blatantly happened, because I've never known a lifetime when Merlin didn't come and find Arthur as soon as he turned of age. It's weird, and it's hit him really hard." He gave a humourless laugh. "Hell I've never known a lifetime when he didn't come and get each and every one of us when we turned eighteen! Guess he realised I was too close to Arthur to come see me. Shame, I miss the gangly bastard."

Morgana didn't know what to say. She had been so lucky that Merlin had been there for her. He had come and found her and helped her land on her own two feet. Just like he had in every other lifetime. Gwaine's uncharacteristically serious voice broke through her thoughts.

"I just wish I knew where the hell he was."

"Either too many pints down in the pub or passed out in our flat." Morgana muttered, absentmindedly.

Gwaine froze for a second, before turning to look at her.

"You know where he is?" he said, disbelief lacing his words.

"He came and found me." She answered. "Now we live together on the other side of London." She looked at her companion with a serious look in her eyes. "He told me that I was the only one who had come back. That he wasn't aware of the rest of you, any of you, living in this time."

"So he doesn't know about me and Arthur?"

"No he definitely knows about Arthur, and probably you too." She replied shaking her head. "Even if he didn't before, which he admits he did, Arthurs new career would make it impossible for him not to. He's just avoiding Arthur at all costs. You were right, they had a big argument back in the 1920's. But Merlin won't tell me what it was about. Just that he left Arthur and that he never wants to see him again."

"Whereas Arthur is desperate to find Merlin! I don't suppose you saw his unbelievably unsubtle personal ad he pretty much screamed on that chat show?"

"Oh I saw it. So did Merlin, although he was not happy about it. He went mental! I have never seen him act this way. He's been going out every weekend since on stupidly long benders, that you would be proud of, pulling everything decent looking with a pulse."

"Arthur must really have fucked up last time they met." Gwaine stated. "So no hopes of reconciliation at all?" He questioned, concern obvious in his voice.

"That's why I'm here. I reckon if I can get the two of them in the same room then there is a chance Merlin will remember why he loved him and will be willing to work it all out."

"Well you hope at least."

"Yes hope."

There was a pause as the two of the processed everything.

"Right enough of the pessimism." Gwaine declared. "Let's get you a drink and then I shall take you to reunite with the birthday boy." He dragged her over to the bar. "Arthur is going to be so happy to see you!"

"I'm going to be so happy to see who?" came a voice from behind Gwaine. "And I told you not to abandon me to those bloody vicious fan girls. Some of them are just so damn creepy! And I'm telling you I swear one of them was tryin..."

"Don't pretend you don't love it Arthur!" Morgana interrupted him mid-rant.

"Bloody hell! Where the fuck did you come from?" Arthur asked, wide eyed with shock.

"Nice to see you too." She lend forward and gave him a kiss on the cheek. "I'm here to wish you a happy birthday."

"Is that so?" he asked.

"Yes it is."

"You didn't even know it was his birthday till I told you, you filthy gatecrasher!" Gwaine laughed.

"Well I know now!" She stuck her tongue out at him.

"Does that mean you haven't got me a present then?" Arthur joked.

Morgana smirked. "Oh don't you fret brother dearest I got you a present."

"I don't see one!" he responded, looking at her empty hands.

"That's because I thought he might object to being put in a box with ribbon around him." Her smirk got, if possible even bigger as she caught Gwaine's eye.

"He?" Arthur questioned, visibly swallowing.

"Yes he."

"As in _my_..."

"Yes Arthur, as in _your_ scrawny, immortal warlock,"

"He's here?" Arthur had gone pale and was looking around frantically.

"No not here." Arthurs shoulders sagged. "But I do know where he lives, and is probably at right now" Morgana continued.

"Oh you are just too cruel." Gwaine muttered in Morgana's ear so only she could hear as Arthur announced, "I need to go see him, NOW!"

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**Authors Note (2): **I've just three things to say...

Firstly thank you to everyone who added this to your alerts and favourites, and a massive extra special thank you to the people who reviewed! Because of you guys I was totally inspired to write this chapter as quickly as possible and get it up for you all. I hope it didn't disappoint!

Secondly **xXMistressMadHatterXx** I know I told you there would be angrydrunk Merlin in this chapter, but I changed my mind. Instead I am saving him for the next chapter, when he comes face to face with Arthur for the first time in almost 90 years.

Thirdly the reason I didn't get this beta read is becuase really wanted to get this chapter up as I have work all of tomorrow, then I'm going away on Friday morning for the weekend, and when I get back I have a hectic week at work so probably won't be about to update for at least a week (although I obviously will try to do it sooner).

Anyway next chapter Merlin and Arthur finally meet, although Merlin is in no real state to be having visitors...

Please leave me a review and let me know what you think.

Until next time... secretambition xx


	3. Chapter 3

**Disclaimer**: Unfortunately I don't own Merlin or Jar of Hearts, all I have is a car called Rupert and an extensive collection of books and dvds.

**Warnings**: Quite a few swear words, some malexmale sexual imagery and Merthur. (M rated chapter)

**Summary**: Being immortal means Merlin just has to wait around for those he loves to be reincarnated, and that includes Arthur Pendragon. But in Arthur's last lifetime the two had a falling out meaning now that Arthur is back again, Merlin doesn't want anything to do with him. And he really doesn't care what Morgana has to say on the subject. (Or Gwaine for that matter either!)

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And now on with the story...

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**Enough**

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_And it took so long just to feel all right  
Remember how to put back the light in my eyes  
I wish I had missed  
The first time that we kissed  
'Cause you've broke all your promises  
And now you're back  
But you don't get to get me back_

_.  
_

_**(Jar of Hearts – Christina Perri.) **_

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The fact the host was leaving his own party early was sure to draw attention. But Arthur really didn't care. Morgana and Gwaine had somehow convinced him to postpone leaving for nearly two hours now and he was getting anxious. Merlin was not only in the same city as him but only about half an hours' drive away.

Since the moment he had been left in Chicago on his own, he had been searching for Merlin, trying to get him back. Okay well maybe that was a lie, he may have spent a week or so moping about in an indignant 'I'm not saying sorry, I did nothing wrong," type way. But that is irrelevant. The facts remain that as soon as Arthur had realised that Merlin had actually meant what he had said, and wasn't coming back, he had begun a frantic search.

But the problem is if Merlin doesn't want to be found, you won't find him. And in this case Merlin most definitely did not want to be found. In the end Arthur has spent the rest of that lifetime continuously doing double-takes at anyone who had the same hair colour as Merlin or was the same height and build. Hell even if they were wearing Merlin's favourite colour he would stop to double check they weren't actually Merlin in disguise. He couldn't be too careful!

In the end Arthur admitted it was his fault. He knew he had been a prat and he knew he had brought this on himself. But admitting it to himself didn't make a bloody difference if he couldn't find Merlin and apologise. Damn he missed the skinny idiot, and regretted that argument till the day he had died. When he had turned eighteen in this lifetime, and all his memories came back, he had felt like he was going to collapse from the pain.

Every other time he had gotten his memories back Merlin had been there, ready to reassure him and embrace him like the long lost lover he was. But this time he had been alone in his room, suffering the onslaught of memories of a hundred lives lived, with no one there holding his hand, reassuring him. No one telling him how happy they were that he was back. Once again he had fallen into the trap of looking for Merlin in a crowd, trying desperately to see him, to meet him, to have a chance to fix everything. Because now none of what they had argued about mattered. It was a non issue.

Yes Gwaine and Morgana had managed to stall him for nearly two hours by saying he had to stay to greet people, cut the cake, make a toast and all that rubbish. Morgana had gone so far as to refuse to give the location of her flat until his duties as host were at least mostly done. But now all that was done and he just wanted to get to Merlin. He wanted to see him, touch him and most importantly beg for his forgiveness. Right now he was thanking whichever dainty was up there fore bringing Morgana to his party tonight. Six years of searching in this lifetime and finally he was going to see Merlin.

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**merlinmerlinmerlinmerlin**

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Merlin was drunk. Very drunk. In fact Merlin hadn't been this level of drunk in years. Six years to be exact, to the day. The day of Arthur's eighteenth birthday, when the prat would finally remember everything, Merlin had drunk himself almost into a coma. The next morning had been horrific, even with a hangover spell. Although he had just to hit the coma stage this time, it was still very much on the cards. But first he needed to get these damn keys in the front door and pray that Morgana was still out. She would not approve of the state he was in. Or the company he had, he thought as a hand slid under his top and caressed his stomach. Thinking screw it, Merlin's eyes briefly flashed gold and the door clicked open.

"Got it," he smiled, turning to face the man behind him.

"Thank god for that!" The tanned figure pressed against his back replied, pushing him forward into the flat. "I was going to have to fuck you up against the wall in the hallway of you hadn't opened it son."

"That's not bad plan." Merlin slurred as he smashed their lips together, guiding his new friend into the lounge. "More drink... more drink first." He stumbled towards the kitchen and returned a moment later waving two, fortunately unopened, beers.

"This is a nice flat with a really nice sofa," came a voice from said piece of furniture. "Maybe you should join me."

Merlin did not need telling twice. He attempted to put the beers down on the small table, and within seconds the two men were all over each other. Hands and lips were everywhere and it wasn't long before they were both topless with Merlin straddling his new partner. He was so busy enjoying the way, what promised to be very talented hands, were rubbing his crotch and undoing his jeans that he failed to notice the front door opening, or Morgana calling, "Merlin are you there?" The two were so caught up in each other that they remained completely oblivious, enjoying another lip lock as hands dipped under yet more layers of clothing. That was until;

"GET YOUR FILTH HANDS OFF MY BOYFRIEND!"

Merlin froze, he recognised that voice. He would recognised that very angry sounding voice anywhere. Fuck! What the hell was he doing here? How the hell did he even know where here was? Merlin sat up, still straddling his new friend. He could see a figure out of the corner of his eye standing in the shadows of the doorway.

"I'm a going to kill... to fuckin' KILL you M..m...M..gana" He slurred almost incoherently, the alcohol taking its toll on his linguistic abilities. "FUCKIN' BITCH!" He spat at her. The figure beneath him started to squirm and Merlin rolled off him situating himself on the floor, looking up at the unimpressed and livid face of the blonde in front of him.

"What the fuck do you think you are playing at?" said blonde asked, anger punctuating every word as he glared down at him.

"Well," he began, pointing at Arthur in a matter he no doubt though made him look serious, but was completely ruined by the state he was in, and the hiccups he seemed to have contracted. "Well... before you turned up... hic... and cockblocked me... hic... I was going to get fucked!" He had a smirk on his face.

"You are unbelievable." Arthur replied sounding exasperated.

"I am... hic... aware of that."

"Is this what you have spent the time I was away doing?" Arthur's face was getting redder and redder as his hands clenched and unclenched at his side.

"None your business." His smirk was getting wider the more he appeared to be winding Arthur up. He made a beckoning motion towards him as though he was going to tell him a secret and mock whispered, "But yes, it is!" He lay back on the floor as though it was not a serious conversation going on at all. "I'm no m...monk! I like... hic... sex. Need... erm... need sex. And erm...wh...eh... what's your name?" He asked the confused and rather startled figure who was sitting on the sofa, looking anxiously between Merlin and Arthur.

"It's Will." He answered in a small voice.

"EXACTLY!" Merlin shouted, throwing one arm up in the arm as though he was making some big point. "Will was... Will... hic... Will was my friends name. Grew up in Ea... Eal...Eald... Together!" He told the half naked Will, who didn't seem to careless and was just looking more uncomfortable by the minute. "Anyway I like sex and Will. So..."

"Merlin shut up." Arthur snapped. "And you!" He pointed at Will, "get the hell out of here, NOW!"

"NO!" Merlin yelled. He tried to stand, but stumbled and ended up in Will's lap. "I want him to... hic... stay." Strong arms grabbed him from behind and pulled him away.

"I said get out!" Arthur snarled at the figure on the sofa. Will did not need telling twice. He all but ran out pushing swiftly past the two figures standing in the doorway, not even bothering to pick up his t-shirt. "And you!" Arthur directed at Merlin, sitting him down on the sofa. "You need to sober yourself up this minute."

"You are not... hic... the king anymore!" Merlin retorted trying to stand up again.

"No but I am stronger then you." Arthur retorted, pushing him back down again. "Now say the spell to sober yourself up." Merlin grumbled but his eyes flashed gold. "Good now do you care to... MERLIN!" Arthur yelled as he realised that he had not sobered himself up but rather done some other ridiculous spell. The drunk warlock was sitting there blowing multi-coloured bubbles out of his mouth, ignoring Arthur. "Merlin I swear if you don't sober yourself up this minute I was let Morgana do it!"

"She doesn't have magic." He giggled blowing a huge blue bubble into the air then popping it.

"No but I'm sure she will think of something."

Merlin's eyes drifted to Morgana who was still standing in the doorway with Gwaine acting as a spectator. She gave him an evil smirk. Looking back at Arthur, Merlin's eyes momentarily glowed gold again.

"Are you in a fit state to talk now?" He spat.

"Stop being so grumpy just because you aren't getting any!" Merlin retorted, rolling his eyes.

"That's because I have been waiting for you."

"You really shouldn't have bothered." Merlin's hiccups seemed to have vanished and his speech was more coherent. His tone however was now very bitter and acidic. "You would have been better off finding some tart society would have approved of.

"I don't want some tart." Arthur growled. "I want you."

"Well that's never going to happen. Now would you kindly fuck off. You've already ruined my night enough."

"I came to apologise Merlin." His voice was suddenly pleading.

"I really couldn't give a damn."

"Well I could! I've missed you and I want you back." His voice was getting more desperate.

Leaning back on the sofa, Merlin crossed his arms and appeared to be contemplating it. "I'll tell you what," he said after a moment's thought, "I'll give you one night." Hope and confusion flooded Arthur's face. "Just one mind. You see Will got me all riled up and now you've gone and scared him off. So I'm going to need some kind of...erm... _outlet_. I'm really not in the mood for my hand." What he was saying seemed to twig with Arthur and his face turned pale as Merlin licked his lips. "You always did have a talented little mouth. Care to put it to use for the night?"

"Merlin you can't be serious!" Morgana screeched from the sidelines. "This is Arthur you are talking to, not some tramp you picked up in a nightclub."

"Seriously mate that's not like you," Gwaine chimed in.

"You never are far behind the King of Prats are you Gwaine." Merlin said with a smirk not even turning to face him, but continuing to look at Arthur.

"So you did know he was back then?" Morgana snapped.

"Of course I knew. I always know when one of you comes back. I always keep an eye on you all until you turn eighteen." His eyes still hadn't left Arthur.

"Then why the hell didn't you come for me?" Gwaine asked indignantly.

"Arthur." Merlin replied as though that explained it all. Addressing the silent reincarnated King me asked, "So I guess that's a no to my offer then?" He cocked his eyebrow, "Shame. You look just as good this lifetime as you did in the rest." He stood and pushed past the blonde, making to leave the room but was halted by a hand tightening on his arm.

"I'm not letting you walk away this time."

"I don't care whether you are letting me or not." Merlin snarled. "It's happening."

"Merlin please... please we can fix this. We can fix everything and be together again." Arthur begged. "Hell I want to be with you and I want the world to know you are mine!"

"Oh so you want the world to know do you? Well you've changed your bloody tune." Merlin's voice was full of venom. "Tell me if this was still the 1920's would you even be here? Would you be trying to get me back?"

"Yes, of course."

"I don't believe you."

"I'm telling the truth!"

"Oh and you have always been the most honest, open person."

"Merlin, please?"

"Please what? All that is waiting if I go back to you is regret. Now let me go."

"I can't do that." Arthur stated, tightening his grip on Merlin's arm.

"Then you leave me no choice." The warlock's eyes flashed gold and Arthur went flying backwards into the wall.

"Arthur!" Morgana cried rushing towards him.

"Merlin mate what the hell?" Gwaine exclaimed.

Arthur just stared up at Merlin with empty eyes.

"I don't know who you think you are Arthur Pendragon, but you are nothing to me now. Nothing!" Merlin was shaking with anger. "You should not have come back for me. I wish I had never kissed you that day in Camelot. You broke all your promises and I will never forgive you." Tears were now rolling down Arthur's cheeks. "I hate you Arthur Pendragon. I hate you so much!"

Then just like that cold February morning in 1924, Merlin disappeared before Arthurs very eyes. And just that morning there was nothing Arthur could think to do that would stop him.

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**Authors Note**: So I've had a really hectic week haing been away at the weekend and coming back to a series of 12 hour shifts, but I was determined to get this up. I apologise for any mistakes but I've been awake since 6am (it's now midnight) on less then 4hours sleep. Because of this I have yet again put this up without having it beta'd. Although abouther reason is because I haven't found one yet, so if anyone is willing to take on the job I would be grateful, just drop me a PM.

Despite that I hope this chapter lived up to expectations. Don't panic Merlin will be back, he just needs to cool off a little.

Next chapter I want to bring back another character into the mix. If you have any preferences either leave it in a review or PM me, as I haven't made a final descision on who it is going to be.

Anyway I think I'm about to fall asleep on my laptop so I'll just leave you was a MASSIVE thank you for all the alerts, favourite and reviews I have been getting. I am so psyched that you guys like the story!

Until next time...

secretambition xx


	4. Chapter 4

**Disclaimer**: Unfortunately I don't own Merlin, all I have is a car called Rupert and an extensive collection of books and dvds.

**Warnings**: Swear words, some malexmale sexual imagery and Merthur.

**Summary**: Being immortal means Merlin just has to wait around for those he loves to be reincarnated, and that includes Arthur Pendragon. But in Arthur's last lifetime the two had a falling out meaning now that Arthur is back again, Merlin doesn't want anything to do with him. And he really doesn't care what Morgana has to say on the subject. (Or Gwaine for that matter either!)

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Now on with the story...

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* * *

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**Enough**

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"Do not you think it's time that you went back to your own flat Merlin?" The aging figure asked as he took another sip of his whisky, not even bothering to tear his eyes away from the news report he was watching on the TV in the corner.

"Why would I go back to my own place when I'm obviously so welcome here." Merlin replied sarcastically from his seat the other side of the room where he was reading some trashy book he had found on the bookshelf.

"You know you're meant to respect your elders." The old man retorted with a smirk.

"Please you're just a toddler in comparison to me. I've got at least fifteen centuries on you!"

"And like the bastard you are you don't even have the decency to look it."

"Wrinkles were never really my style."

"Or mine. But some of us weren't gifted with eternal youth so have had to make do." He put down his glass and flicked the TV turning to give Merlin his full attention. "So when are you going back? You've been here a week now and you have to face the music at some point."

"Can't I just stay here and wait till his next lifetime?" Merlin whined.

"And you called me a toddler." He chuckled smiling widely as Merlin frowned. "The longer you wait the worse it is going to get."

"Good then maybe Arthur will decided he doesn't want to see me again and we can both live happily ever after, separately."

"You know that's never going to happen. Besides if you don't at least make peace it won't be just Arthur you will lose. Morgana and Gwaine are involved now and you know neither of them will ever let it go. I know he hurt you but it's been almost a century, but you know he was never the brightest crayon in the box."

"I guess you're right." Merlin said admitted defeated. "When did you get so wise?"

"Well somewhere about the thirteenth century I bumped into an old acquaintance who told me I needed to let go of the past and embrace the present. He told me continuing to be enemies with everyone would just make everyone of my lifetimes unbearably empty. Scarily enough he was right."

"I knew telling you that was going to come back and bite me in the arse!" Merlin sighed. "Tomorrow, I'll go tomorrow." He rose from his seat and made his way to the guest room where he had been staying for the last week and a half. "But seeing him doesn't mean I'm going to forgive him Mordred!" he called over his shoulder.

He wasn't sure what had driven him to do it but after he had left Arthur, Morgana and Gwaine that night this was the only place he could think to come. The reincarnation of his past enemy was the only person he could think would help him sort everything out. Maybe it was because over the centuries they had grown close. Or maybe it was because no one would have any idea where to find Mordred, that's if they actually knew he was back. Plus he had a strange calming effect on Merlin. He could always stop him from going something too rash. If only Merlin had bothered to go see him when Morgana had first found out that Arthur was back. But the he was kind of happy with the fact Arthur had found him wrapped around another man. It felt to him like some kind of twisted justice had been served.

Still Mordred, unfortunately, had a point. Merlin did need to face the music. He did need to properly confront Arthur about everything that had happened is a fully dressed and completely sober way. But that didn't mean he had to forgive the prat Merlin reminded himself. And if he was going to have to go through that self induced torture tomorrow he sure as hell was going to enjoy himself tonight. With that thought he through on some clean clothes, checked his reflection in the mirror, grabbed his wallet and made to go out.

"If you're going to see Arthur tomorrow you best not get yourself completely wasted tonight Merlin." Mordred instructed him as he made his way through the lounge to the front door.

"Don't worry I'm not planning on having anything to drink. I just fancy a dance."

He heard Mordred scoff in disbelief as he shut the front door behind him and made his way to the nearest tube station.

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**merlinmerlinmerlinmerlin**

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Morgana couldn't believe it. It had been a week and Merlin still hadn't come back to the flat, not even to pick up any clothes. She had even gone to his work but they had just looked at her strangely and told her that Merlin had called in a last minute holiday. She guessed it did seem bizarre that his own flatmate had no idea where the hell he was.

Gwaine and Arthur were just as stumped as to where he could be as her, neither having known Merlin in this lifetime so having any idea where he would go. All Arthur could suggest was places from previous lives together. But given that Merlin was avoiding him in particular it didn't seem that likely that the warlock would be feeling sentimental enough to visit any of them.

Tonight however the three of them, or at least Gwaine and Morgana, had decided to stop searching for their missing friend and go on a night out in celebration of Gwaine's twenty-fourth birthday, which was in a few days. Arthur wasn't given a choice he was being dragged along.

"Come on mate stop frowning and cheer up!" Gwaine ordered, thrusting yet another beer into Arthurs' hand. "Just for tonight let's forget about the skinny magician and enjoy ourselves."

The blonde just grunted and began to chug down the pint Gwaine had given him.

"That's the spirit!" Gwaine announced, slapping him on the shoulder.

"We need to head over to a club soon." Morgana announced. "I really want to dance."

Never one to disappoint a lady, Gwaine copied Arthur and downed his drink before taking Morgana's hand. "If the lady wished to dance, the dance she shall!" He declared pulling her up and spinning her around. "Come on grumpy!" He called to Arthur. "We need your pretty celebrity face if we're going to skip the queue!"

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**merlinmerlinmerlinmerlin**

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The club was packed. There was hardly any room to move, let alone breathe. There was only one thing for it, Merlin thought, he would have to charm his way into the VIP area. It was the only part of the club that wasn't overcrowded. Making his was over to the bouncer guarding the stairs to the exclusive section of the club he flashed a smile as his eyes flashed gold. Without even giving him a second look the bouncer ushered him up the stairs to the VIP section.

"Works every time." He muttered to himself with a pleased smile.

"Impressive." A voice called to his left as he reached the top of the stairs.

"I'm sorry?" Merlin asked turning to look at the brunette who had just spoken. She was stunning, dressed in a flowing silver dress that seems to ripple about her as though it was made of water. There was something eerily familiar about her that he just couldn't put his finger on.

"The way you charmed your way in with just a smile." She said sweetly. "I would almost say it was a _magic_ charm you have." Her eyes seemed to twinkle knowingly as she looked into his shocked face. There was no way her word choice had been accidental, not with the way she was looking at him.

"Who are you?" he asked. He was so sure he knew her, but he was unable to recall from where or when.

"I'm just an old friend." She replied. Then she leant in and kissed him softly on the cheek. "I've just come to make sure you stop making a mess of destiny." She whispered before pulling away from him and making her way down the stairs. "It's time to forgive him Merlin." She called over her shoulder. "Anger is never the answer."

Merlin was sure he saw her eyes flash gold. Maybe it was just a trick of the light.

But then he froze as he replayed her words in his head. Something click inside his brain. It couldn't be. She had never come back before. Why would she suddenly appear now? And if she was back how come he hadn't sensed her before? It just didn't make sense. But as he watched her disappear further into the crowd he became more certain that it was indeed Freya he had just met. His Freya, after all this time, it just didn't make sense.

He was so caught up trying to figure out how she had managed to reincarnate without him being aware that he failed to notice the three newcomers to the VIP section. However all three had spotted him and were making a beeline straight for him.

Morgana got there first.

WHACK!

The force at which her hand connected with Merlin's cheek made an almighty sound, and brought him back down to reality.

"Where the hell have you been?" She demanded.

"Hello to you too Morgana." He was still staring at the spot he had last seen Freya, not even turning as he spoke, rubbing his red cheek with one hand and waving the approaching bouncer away with the other. "Never one to mess around with pleasantries were you? Always preferred to go straight to the point."

"Yes well after your performance last week you deserve it." She quipped.

"Still hasn't told you the truth about what happened then." He stated coolly. "Can't say I blame him." He looked over towards Arthur and gave him a dirty look. "I'd value my balls as well if I were him."

"Well at least he is being civil and isn't acting like a teenager having a tantrum." Morgana argued.

Merlin just ignored her and turned to Gwaine with a smile. Seeing Freya had left him oddly calm, even in the situation he now found himself in he had no desire to fight or even leave. "I suppose I should get you a birthday drink. Sorry I didn't get a chance to say hello properly last time I was a bit preoccupied."

"I noticed." Gwaine replied with a smirk. "In surprisingly good shape for your old age too." He slapped his hand playfully against Merlin's stomach. Turning to face the other he added, "As this is my birthday celebration I don't want any fighting between you all. Behave and drink sensibly!"

They all snorted with laughter. "Behave and drink sensibly?" Arthur said disbelievingly. "That's rich coming from you." Despite the joking they all silently agreed to at least act civil.

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**merlinmerlinmerlinmerlin**

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It hadn't been going too badly. Gwaine and Morgana had been getting steadily drunker and drunker, dancing with each other and clearly enjoying themselves. Merlin and Arthur on the other hand were staying away from anything alcoholic, neither willing to trust what they might do with alcohol in their body. They remained standing next to each other without talking as they watched the other two enjoy themselves.

"Do you think you will ever forgive me?" Arthur finally asked breaking the silence with the question he had been burning to ask all night. "I know you said last week you never would, but is there nothing I can do?" he pleaded.

"It's not that simple Arthur and you know it."

"But it will never happen again."

"That's because there is no need for it in this culture."

"Even if there was though I wouldn't ask." Arthur turned Merlin so he was looking into straight into his eyes. "Losing you last lifetime destroyed me. I never knew it was possible to hurt so much! Please don't let me lose you again."

"How do you think I feel? That pain you felt when I left you in Chicago, that's the pain I have every single time I have had to watch you die in my arms." It wasn't angry that laced Merlin's voice as he spoke but pity. Somehow he found himself unable to even feel the stirrings of anger. "I did everything you ever asked of me so that each lifetime I could prolong that moment when I would have to feel my heart ripped out of my chest. I did everything Arthur, everything you asked. I changed who I was for you, hid myself from the world for countless years in countless different lifetimes. I became the person you needed me to be in order to live your life without persecution. But you never seemed to get that for me it was you all along. You were the one persecuting me. You were the one who made me deny who I really am." He let out a sorrowful sigh. "You were never ready to have me be anything but your dirty little secret that society doesn't know about."

"That's not true." Arthur's voice was full of a plea to be believed. "It's not true Merlin. I love you so much that I will do anything for you. I don't care what anyone else says on the matter!"

"Then why is it that all the tabloids, all the press, all of the world is living under the belief that you're straight?"

"I never told them I was, they just assumed."

"But you never corrected them though did you?"

"Merlin you can't seriously be using that as the reason we can't be together again?"

"No, I'm using it as proof that you aren't ready to love me as I am."

"I am ready! I already love you as you are!"

"If you really want me to forgive you then prove to me that you'll never ask me to live in disguise again." With that Merlin made to leave, but Arthur caught his hand and pulled him back towards him.

"Don't you worry Merlin I'll prove myself and then we can be together again." He gave a confident smile and wrapped his arms around Merlin kissing him gently on the lips. "A kiss for good luck." He whispered in Merlin's ear before letting him go and walking over to Morgana and Gwaine who were just leaving the dance floor.

Merlin shook his head disbelievingly before exiting the club. What had come over him? Why had he allowed Arthur to get that close? Seeing Freya had obviously messed with his head. He had been feeling funny since he first saw her.

Still it would be good to see Arthur trying to actually prove himself worthy for once.

Even if it wouldn't really be enough to make Merlin get back with him.

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**Authors Note:** I'm really sorry I've had a broken laptop and uni exams so have had no time to do any writing. Anyway I hope you like this chapter. I'm not completely happy with it but I needed it to move the story along. I promised I was bringing more people back so what do you all think of it being Mordred and Freya? Also what do you guys think about the conversation between Arthur and Merlin?

I'll try update quicker then last time. But till then please review and let me know what you think and also what you want to see Arthur do in order to prove himself to Merlin.

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	5. Chapter 5

**Disclaimer**: Unfortunately I don't own Merlin, all I have is a car called Rupert and an extensive collection of books and dvds.

**Warnings**: Swear words, some malexmale sexual imagery and Merthur.

**Summary**: Being immortal means Merlin just has to wait around for those he loves to be reincarnated, and that includes Arthur Pendragon. But in Arthur's last lifetime the two had a falling out meaning now that Arthur is back again, Merlin doesn't want anything to do with him. And he really doesn't care what Morgana has to say on the subject. (Or Gwaine for that matter either!)

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Now on with the story...

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* * *

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**Enough**

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It was two days after meeting in the club that the world seemed to go mental. It was all over the tabloids and all anyone could seem to talk about, be it in a cafe, on twitter, or some random blog. Merlin didn't know whether to laugh or cry. It turned out some fan had had their camera out and pointed at Arthur the exact moment he and Merlin had kissed in that club. Luckily for him it was dark and blurry so making him out was near impossible. But having been plastered over London for weeks and weeks made it obvious to anyone and everyone that the blonde man in the picture was Arthur Penn, movie star.

The press had had a field day with countless men coming forward claiming they were the mystery brunette, willing to give their stories to the world. At first there had been no response from the man himself, to which Merlin was in no way surprised. Arthur had always shied away in the past from any claims that he was gay, part of the problem really. However three days after the article had come out a newspaper had decided to run an article entitled _"King of Queens" _ripping into Arthur and portraying him as some kind of manwhore. That seems to be the breaking point for the reincarnated king as a clip of him soon began to surge across the internet, responding to the allegations. It was short, simple, to the point and lasted less than thirty seconds;

"Yes I'm gay, like millions of other people on this planet. But no I am not some slut. The man I was pictured kissing is the same man I have been in love with for as long as I can remember. If you don't like it tough, but it's who I am and I won't change for anyone. I'm gay and proud. Deal with it!"

It was after seeing that clip that Merlin had packed his bags and told Mordred that maybe it was better for both of their sanities if he went back to his own flat.

"I mean if I don't go back soon I probably won't have a flat to go back to. Morgana can still be vicious and spiteful if she wants. I wouldn't put it past her to have sold my flat or burnt it down or something as some fucked up way of teaching me a lesson to not ignoring her." He had told Mordred. The aging man had just laughed and muttered something about missing people or some such crap that was completely untrue.

So that is how he found himself standing in his lounge doorway, suitcase in one hand being berated by a very annoyed Morgana.

"So you finally decided to show up did you?" she asked.

"Figured you were missing me and had grown tired of takeout by now. Your cooking is shit." He replied.

She glared at him, "Well I don't suppose you want to tell me what the hell is going on then?"

"I've decided to come home."

"I figured that much out. I mean between you and Arthur! That picture of you two kissing is all anyone can seem to talk about, and funnily enough both of you have been uncontactable since that night. Care to explain?"

"I've been staying at a friend's is all, same place I stayed the week before." Merlin answered. "And nothing is going on between us. That kiss was just a simple peck for good luck."

"Good luck kiss?"

"Yes."

"Good luck for what?"

"Arthur pointless mission of trying to win me back."

"Pointless? Really?"

"Yes."

"So he has no chance of winning you over."

"No."

"So the damn video clip he released, of him declaring his love for you to the whole world to see, has jack shit to do with your sudden reappearance?"

"Exactly."

"You're full of crap!" she declared moving towards him. "Now give me a hug so we can kiss and make up. The flats been lonely without you and I've been bored."

Merlin just laughed and wrapped his arms around her, squeezing her tight.

"Missed you too!" he said. "Sorry I've been such a crappy friend lately."

"So you should be."

The rest of the night was spent catching up on everything Merlin had seemed to miss while he was away "sulking like a two year old," as Morgana so lovingly put it.

It was as they were saying good night that Morgana asked what she had obviously been dying to ask since he walked through the door, "Are you ever going to tell me what really happened between you two, you know last lifetime?"

"Now is really not the time."

"It never is with you. Tell me!"

"Just drop it and go to bed."

"Tell me or I'll leave." She announced. "I mean it. Tell me what happened or I'll be the one to walk out the door."

"Morgana please, just drop it."

"No." She glared at him.

"You won't like it."

"I don't care."

"You really want to know?"

"Yes!"

"Fine!" Merlin sighed, running his hands through his hair. "We argued about us, about me, about what we are and who I am."

"I don't understand." She responded with a confused look. "Who you are? A warlock you mean?"

"No... I erm... well kind of... It's more of the fact it was the 1920's and well being what I was, what I am, hell what Arthur is, wasn't really acceptable. Especially for someone in a visible position like he was." Morgana still looked at him with confusion written all over her face. "I'm talking about being gay."

"Oh! But why argue about that? Not like you could do anything to change it!"

Merlin just gave her a look. "I'm a powerful immortal warlock Morgana. I have eternal youth and can manipulate time. I can change the weather and have survived countless wars. You don't think that glamour to change how I appear to the world is beyond me?"

"Change how you appear?" she questioned.

"You would never have realised, because you have always known me, but almost every lifetime of Arthurs I have hidden behind glamour charms in public, making myself appear to the world as a female, someone who was an acceptable partner for Arthur. But last lifetime I decided I had had enough." Tears had begun to fall down Merlin's face as he told Morgana what had been haunting him for so long. "He couldn't do it though. He wasn't willing to give up the pretence, admit who he really was, let me be who I really am. I love him Morgana, I love him so much but he hurt me. He was so ashamed of being gay he was willing to live a lie, hiding me from the world." Merlin was freely crying down, as a shocked Morgana wrapped her arms around him trying to comfort him. "He cared more about how the world see's him then allowing me to be free, to be my real self."

"Oh Merlin." She cooed, tightening her grip on him.

"I love him so much Morgana, but he hurt me so bad."

"I'm going to rip his balls off when I see him." She whispered into his ear, as though it was words of comfort.

Merlin couldn't help but let out a weak laugh.

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**Author's note: So I think I owe all of you an apology for taking so fricking long to update this. I've had serious writers block for the last few months and have been able to write anything.**

**Anyway I hope that this makes up for it. I know it's not the best but I really just wanted to get something posted to show I hadn't forgotten about this fic.  
**

**I'm now in my final year of my degree so no promises when I'll have time to update but I'll try not to take as long.  
**

**Next chapter Freya is back, we see how Arthur is dealing with coming out to the world and Morgana is out for blood, specifically Arthurs.  
**

**I am really thankful to everyone who has stuck with this story. I know I don't deserve it but please review...  
**

**Until next time... secretambition xx  
**


	6. Chapter 6

**Disclaimer**: Unfortunately I don't own Merlin, all I have is a car called Rupert and an extensive collection of books and dvds.

**Warnings**: Swear words, some malexmale sexual imagery and Merthur.

**Summary**: Being immortal means Merlin just has to wait around for those he loves to be reincarnated, and that includes Arthur Pendragon. But in Arthur's last lifetime the two had a falling out meaning now that Arthur is back again, Merlin doesn't want anything to do with him. And he really doesn't care what Morgana has to say on the subject. (Or Gwaine for that matter either!)

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Now on with the story...

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**Enough**

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As the water rained down on him, he thought about whether drowning himself in the shower would be too melodramatic. The last couple of weeks had been what could only be summed up by that overly used cliché _an emotional rollercoaster_. The joy of finding Merlin again had been short-lived and turned quickly to pain at finding him half naked and fumbling about with some stranger. Then there was the hope that the conversation and the kiss at the nightclub had given him. But now all he felt was anger. Anger at Merlin for making him face the media storm on his own and not being there to help him and support him through the slander and mudding his name and image were currently facing. Yet more overwhelming was the anger he felt towards himself. He was the one who had caused all this. Exposing himself by kissing Merlin was neither here nor there in the grand scheme of things, but the lack of the man he loved by his side to deal with it? Now that was definitely his fault. The fact remained that Merlin had been right all those centuries ago in Camelot when they first met. Arthur was an arse, an idiot and a complete and utter prat!

Since the picture of him kissing Merlin had emerged he had been hounded by the press. After his video confession everything had just escalated. His agent was phoning him constantly to tell him that this person or that person wanted him on to do an interview. But Arthur couldn't face it. He just didn't want to see anyone because he wasn't sure if he would be able to hold himself together. Hell he'd almost broke down into tears on the phone to Gwaine the other day. The problem wasn't the whole coming out thing, but the realisation that Merlin had been right. Actually screw the had been, Merlin WAS right! All along, in every lifetime Arthur had been so worried about how other people would perceive him, how they might react to him being gay, so scared of the discrimination he might have faced that he had missed the fact he was being a bloody hypocrite. He was being the one to oppress Merlin. He was the one forcing Merlin to hide himself. He was the one who was telling Merlin that what they had was wrong and something to be ashamed of. No, Arthur hadn't seen anyone because he didn't want or deserve their support or sympathy. He deserved everything he was getting and then some. And know all he wanted now was to be able to tell Merlin that he got it, that he finally understood what he had been saying back in Chicago all those years ago. And most importantly that he was sorry. So unbelievably sorry for being such a bastard.

After drying himself off and putting on some clothes he went to the kitchen in order to find some form of food. As he was raiding through his fridge he heard a banging on the front door.

"ARTHUR PENDRAGON YOU OPEN THIS DAMN DOOR THIS MINUTE!" screamed a highly pissed off Morgana. Arthur contemplated whether to answer the door, a pissed off Morgana was never a good thing, especially if it was aimed at you. "I KNOW YOU ARE IN THERE! EITHER YOU OPEN THE DOOR OR I SWEAR TO GOD I WILL BREAK IT DOWN!" Sighing in resignation Arthur went to the door to face his fate.

"Hello Morgana. To what do I owe the pleasure of your delightful company?" he asked as he opened the door.

"You, Arthur are a complete and utter bastard!" She snarled, bring her knee up sharply to connect with Arthur's balls. As he shouted in pain she pushed past him into his flat, shutting the door behind her. "I cannot believe you did that to him. You are un-fucking-believable, you know that?" She didn't wait for a reply as she continued in her rant. "I mean what kind of unfeeling arsehole are you? Seriously I can't believe he didn't castrate you! No wonder he didn't want to see your bloody face again! He's meant to be the love of your life Arthur!" Morgana cried. "How could you be so heartless?"

This was going to go on for a while.

"I KNOW MORGANA! I'M AN IDIOT, AN ARSE AND A BLOODY PRAT! I KNOW!" Arthur screamed at her after nearly ten minutes of her berating him. "Do you not think I know what an absolute fool I have been? Do you know think I know that I deserve everything I'm getting? But damn it Morgana I love him and all I want is him back!" Tears began to fall down his face. "I just want him to know I'm sorry and that I'll do anything, absolutely anything to be allowed a chance to prove that to him. I have never felt so empty or alone before. I've always had him there and now I don't and I only have myself to blame. I just can't do this though. It just all feels so meaningless and pointless without him and I don't know what to do. I'm powerless and I hate it!" He was crying in earnest now.

"Well at least you are feeling some remorse." She replied, although her voice had lost its sharp edge from earlier and seemed more tinged with pity. "You are a clotpole Arthur Pendragon, you know that? An absolute clotpole." She stepped towards him and engulfed him into a hug. "This doesn't mean I've forgiven you though." She told him as she comforted him as he cried. "And you deserved being kneed in the balls."

"I know." He muttered into her shoulder. "I know."

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**merlinmerlinmerlinmerlin**

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_BANG BANG BANG BANG!_

Whoever was knocking on his door could seriously go do one! Gwaine thought as he climbed out of bed. He had a ruddy headache as a result of last night's drinking session and he wasn't entirely sure if he was sober yet. He flung the door open ready to give the intruder a piece of his mind only to be met with a very flustered and worried, "Merlin! What the hell mate?"

"Have you seen Morgana?"

"No mate sorry. Should I have seen her?"

"Oh crap! Fuck shit bollocks balls shit fuck crap!"

"Erm is everything ok mate? I mean I you've been missing in action for however long now and... well yeah..." Gwaine trailed off looking Merlin up and down with concern.

"Morgana she was gone when I woke up and she won't answer her phone!" he ran his hands through his hair. "Oh fuck! Where does Arthur live Gwaine? Is it far?"

"About a ten minute walk away. Why? What's going on?"

"Does Morgana know where he lives?"

"Well yeah she's been there before."

"What's the address?"

"Arthur's?"

"Yes."

"It's 38F Holland Park Gardens. Tell me what's going on mate. I..." Gwaine trailed off again as Merlin literally disappeared before his eyes. "Oh fuck!" he exclaimed as he rushed to his bedroom to find suitable clothes and shoes, before running out his flat in the direction of Arthur's.

Whatever was about to happen he wasn't about to miss out. Hangover be damned!

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Author's note: I hope you all liked this chapter. I was going to put Freya in it like I said in my last AN, but I decided to save that for the next chapter, which will be from Merlin's POV and have Merlin and Arthur meeting again.

Please leave me a wee review telling me what you think.

Until next time... secretambition xx


	7. Chapter 7

**Disclaimer**: Unfortunately I don't own Merlin, all I have is a car called Rupert and an extensive collection of books and dvds.

**Warnings**: Swear words, some malexmale sexual imagery and Merthur.

**Summary**: Being immortal means Merlin just has to wait around for those he loves to be reincarnated, and that includes Arthur Pendragon. But in Arthur's last lifetime the two had a falling out meaning now that Arthur is back again, Merlin doesn't want anything to do with him. And he really doesn't care what Morgana has to say on the subject. (Or Gwaine for that matter either!)

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So this chapter is a bit of a filler, letting you know what happened to Merlin before he turned up at Gwaine's in such a panic.

Now on with the story...

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**Enough**

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"Is this your way of saying sorry?" Merlin laughed as Arthur pressed him further into the bed he was lying on, "because normally the making..."

"Less talking, more kissing." Arthur growled covering Merlin's mouth and letting his hands begin to wander down the body he had pinned until he reached the top of the warlocks jeans. After a moment's pause he undid the button and slipped his hand inside only to freeze. Freeze and then quickly retract his hand and entire body from Merlin.

"Can't you do anything right?" he snarled.

"What?" Merlin replied puzzled.

"I told you that you had to change. I told you until you learnt you're place, learnt how to do what you're told and appear as you should that this couldn't happen!"

"But it's just us Arthur!"

"What if someone walked in _Mer_lin? What if someone came in right now and saw what you are? Found out that I'm with a _man_? I told you that for this to work you had to change!"

"I don't understand," Merlin muttered, tears forming in his eyes. "I thought you said that now it was ok? That we could be ourselves this lifetime? That _I_ could be myself?"

"You really believed that? Oh Merlin! My sweet naive idiot! You really think that after all this time it would all change?"

He began laughing.

"Oh Merlin... Merlin... Merlin...Merlin..."

The voice was distinctly not Arthur's anymore and Merlin turned around trying to find out where it was coming from.

"Merlin you need to wake up now, I have a message of you."

He woke suddenly opening his eyes to look at the figure standing next to his bed looking down at him. Despite being yet again unprepared for her arrival he recognised her instantly.

"What are you doing here Freya? Did Morgana let you in?" he asked, pushing himself up into a sitting position.

"I have a message for you," she replied with a smile, "a message from Avalon."

"Avalon?" he questioned bemused.

She nodded. "The elders have held a council and they are willing to let you enter."

Merlin froze waiting for Freya to continue, waiting for the catch.

Appearing to know what he was waiting for she continued. "They haven't asked for a price. They have demanded no sacrifice."

"Then I can go? I can go there now?" he asked.

She shook her head, "No, not just yet. You cannot enter when you aren't whole Merlin. They will not let you enter until your destiny is complete."

"But it is! I freed magic. I helped Arthur become a great king. What more do I have to do?" he cried.

She sat on the edge of the bed and reached up to stroke his face lovingly. "Oh Merlin, did you never wonder why you all keep coming back? Why you can feel their presence whenever they return?"

"I never really thought about it... I just thought... But what am I missing? What did I do wrong?"

"You were never whole my love. You were never at peace with life. Magic may have been free in Camelot but you were never truly free, and neither was Arthur." She smiled at him sadly. "You need to forgive him Merlin. As Kilgharrah would say you are two halves of a coin. Until the coin is whole and free then you cannot enter Avalon."

"And what if I don't? What happens then?" Images of the snarling Arthur from his dream flicking across his mind.

"Then you will not enter Avalon."

"So the cycle will continue?"

"Yes."

"So I have no choice?" he swallowed.

"There is always a choice Merlin." She kissing him on the forehead and stood up. "The elders require something else of you, until you show your willingness to co-operate."

"I thought you said there wasn't a sacrifice?"

"It isn't."

"Oh and what is it then?"

"They would call it insurance, but you'll find out soon enough," she said, giving him a sad smile over her shoulder as she left his room, "Just remember you can't do everything on your own Merlin. Remember that for me?"

"Freya wait!" he called out as he pushed back the covers and jumped out of his bed, running to his door to try catch her. But like in the club she had vanished, and the front door had never been opened.

Damn it! He still had so many questions. What the hell did she mean by _free_? What did the elders require of him? And what was her parting comment about? Not doing everything on his own? Woman, he decided, were just like dragons, always speaking in damn riddles.

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**merlinmerlinmerlinmerlin**

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Merlin briefly wondering where Morgana was as he made himself breakfast. Something had felt wrong from the moment Freya had left him. He had replayed his conversation with her on a loop in his head while he showered and dressed, but he was still confused as to what the hell she meant. And now he was beginning to make himself feel dizzy. He was so lost in thought he wasn't paying attention as he went to put the milk down, missing the table. The milk carton hit the floor and its content went everywhere. With a sigh at his own clumsiness he muttered a cleaning spell.

Nothing.

He said it again, this time clearer.

The cartoon jiggled slightly on the floor.

And again, this time gesturing with his hand.

Finally it worked, but he felt slightly drained.

Merlin stood froze for the second time that morning.

They wouldn't have, would they?

They couldn't have!

Oh god!

He began to panic.

Morgana.

He needed Morgana. She would know what to do! She must to know right? He sprinted to his room and frantically dialled her number. She had to know!

"Come on Morgana pick up, pick up." He muttered as he began trembling, the panic setting in deeper. After the fifth time he went to voicemail he grabbed his jacket and ran out the flat, determined to track her down.

With every step he took he could feel his magic being drained from him. It wasn't gone yet, but he was willing to bet if he didn't do something about it soon, it would be.

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Author's note: So Freya is back, and now you know what set Merlin into such a panic. I was going to go up to his turning up at Arthur's, but it just didn't fit right in this chapter. Anyways I hope you all enjoyed it. I'm planning on updating as soon as I can, but I've got my end of semester assignments due soon so no promises as to how soon.

Also is everyone else really upset that season 5 is the last of Merlin? I was gutted!

Next chapter Morgana tries to calm a panicking Merlin, Arthur is not wanted and Gwaine is wondering what the hell is going on!

Leave me a wee review and let me know what you think, or if there is anything/anyone else you want to see pop up in the story.

Until next time... secretambition xx


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